Autumn and Chocolate and Lazy Days and Stars
by SomedayDreamer26
Summary: (Phanfic, friends to lovers) Dan and Phil have a fight but end up showing their feelings for each other once they've made up. Terrible summary, but the actual story is generally romantic fluff, so read it anyway!
1. Chapter 1

**Hey!  
Disclaimer: I do not own Dan or Phil and what I have written is entirely fictional.  
Rated T for language and mildly described making out.  
Happy reading! :)**

Dan's POV

It hadn't been a good day.  
There had been phone calls from the BBC and emails from YouTube and the landlord had come to check that we were taking care of the apartment (which didn't go very well because by that point we were already pretty cold with each other, mostly because we were stressed, and the place was a mess and it honestly probably looked like we'd been throwing various objects at one another, which was great). I had barely slept the night before, and Phil had drunk so much coffee that it was doubtful he could keep still for five seconds, and we were just generally in a bad mood. Phil had started his Younow, which I could hear through the walls, but he didn't sound very happy and I knew that the chat would be filling up with questions asking if he was okay. I opened up my twitter on my phone, and there were the tweets. "What's wrong with Phil?" "Has something bad happened, Dan?" "Have you and Phil been fighting?" "DAN OUR ANGEL BEAN IS SAD WHAT HAS HAPPENEDDDDDDD" I couldn't get away from it. Couldn't they just let us live our lives? Ok, that was harsh. I know they just care about us. But still.  
I decided to at least stop them from thinking we'd been arguing (though technically I guess we had been). I went and made him a coffee (and yes he'd already had too much but I wasn't going to bake him a cookie), and took it through to his room, where he was sat cross-legged on his bed, Totoro on his lap, glasses on, chatting to his audience about a film we'd seen recently. I gave him a small smile.  
"Hey, I was making coffee and I thought you'd like a cup." I tried to make my voice as chirpy as possible but it wasn't working.  
"Sure." He took it from my hands with a nod of thanks, and I left.  
And I knew that I had just made everything worse. I knew that they would be able to tell how wrong it all was. I knew they'd be able to tell that Phil didn't want anything from me then. Not a coffee. Not companionship.  
I went back to my room, closed the door, lay down on my bed, and prayed that it would be better later.

Phil's POV

The liveshow was hell. I think something that my audience don't realise is that I'm not always a cute, happy little angel. I can get sad sometimes. I can get mad sometimes. I don't think they'd like to see me mad. Most people I know who are aware that I'm not always happy really really hate it when I'm angry.  
Especially Dan.  
Which is why I feel so bad.  
I don't want to be angry with him, but I am. Though in all fairness, he's being a bit of an asshole. Usually I just let it go when he's acting like a jerk, and I try to make him feel better, but I'm not inhuman. It gets to me, and I know it isn't really his fault, but damnit, I can't live constantly being nice. You have to fight sometimes to have a healthy relationship, they say, which I guess is probably a good thing. Considering that I know that we're going to end up fighting.  
I honestly didn't want to leave my room, but I knew that he was on the other side of the wall and I knew that he could tell that I'd stopped talking to them. I could just stay here, I suppose. I'll watch some anime.  
Well that plan didn't work.  
I couldn't stop thinking about Dan and I had no clue what was going on in the episode because I'd stopped determinedly reading the subtitles after the first two minutes or so. So I decided to brave the storm, metaphorically speaking. I got off my bed and went to go to Dan's room. As an afterthought, I grabbed Totoro because if I looked smaller and cuter with a cuddly toy it might just help my cause (which I know was manipulative, but still).  
I knocked on his door. "Dan?"  
"What?" he mumbled from inside.  
"Can I come in? I need to talk to you."  
He groaned. " _Fiiine_."  
I opened the door and walked in to find him curled up on his bed like a small child, staring at his phone screen like his life depended on it. I knew he was just trying to avoid looking at me. I wasn't stupid.

Dan's POV

He came in and sat down next to me on my bed. "What do you want?" I snapped at him, hating myself for sounding so crude but at the same time hating _him_ for being so bloody caring and perfect.  
I didn't expect him to get mad.  
But he did.  
"For God's sake, Dan, you don't have to be rude! I'm trying to sort things out here!" He didn't raise his voice, but it suddenly went hard and I couldn't hear the gorgeous laughing undertones.  
"What if I don't want you to sort it out, Phil? Do you know how patronising it is when you make everything okay and I'm suddenly the bad guy because _you_ didn't yell and _you_ didn't say things that you would regret and _you_ didn't end up feeling guilty because _you_ were the better person!"  
"So you want me to get angry then? Well that's fine by me 'cos you have been such an _asshole_ today!"  
And so it continued, and it got worse. And we were shouting and the people underneath us had turned up their television really loudly to tell us that we were too loud and that they had children and my swearing was unacceptable but neither of us cared. I had long forgotten what had even started it and now we were just throwing insults at each other.  
It came to an end rather abruptly.  
"Oh shut up Dan, you're being such a prick and you're making yourself look so stupid! You're always so petty!"  
"Well, I apologise! Though to be honest one of us needs to be a stupid petty prick because you're always so calm and happy. You're just bloody _perfect_ , aren't you Phil Lester?! It makes me sick!"  
He stared at me. And I knew I'd gone too far. That insult was one I had known would hit him hard, and I said it anyway. I definitely _was_ a stupid petty prick.  
I watched the tears form in his eyes. I opened my mouth to say sorry, but he just turned around silently and ran out of my room. "Phil! Phil I'm sorry!" I shouted after him, but a few seconds later I heard the front door slam. _Damnit_.  
I flopped down onto my bed and curled up into the smallest ball I could. I looked across the room to see Totoro discarded on the floor. Slowly I got up, and went to pick it up, before returning to my 'foetal' position, this time with the large plushie scrunched up in between my chest and my knees. I pressed my face into the soft wool and I sobbed. I kept seeing Phil's face, tears in his eyes, and I cried harder, mentally screaming at myself for doing that to him.  
Why did I have to be so cruel?  
I loved him, for Christ's sake.  
He didn't know it.  
Why would he?  
Like he'd want me now.


	2. Chapter 2

When I got back to the apartment it was around eleven. I'd gone to see Peej and we talked and now I was feeling a bit better because he generally a really really nice guy (and of course super creative). I walked in a little apprehensively.  
I decided to go straight to bed, but the second I entered my room I remembered that I'd left Totoro in Dan's room, and I liked having it there when I slept, so I went to get it, praying to God that Dan was asleep.  
Well.  
He was asleep.  
Except he was cuddling Totoro.  
 _Great_.  
So I went to bed without it. Because, I mean, there's not sleeping well... and then there's waking up your best friend who you were shouting at a few hours ago who is now cuddled up to your plushie that is soaked in tears.  
The next morning I got up first. I made myself a bowl of cereal and went to sit on the sofa. I picked up my laptop and browsed Tumblr until I heard Dan opening his bedroom door. He didn't come into the living room straight away. First he went to the kitchen and came back a few minutes later, holding a cup of coffee in each hand. He proffered one to me. I took it, and just looked at him for a moment. He was, quite frankly, a mess (a very cute mess, my brain said). His curls were brushed into a fringe but they were fluffy and there were tiny ringletty wisps sticking to his face. His eyes were puffy and red, but shining with their beautiful hazel fire, and his lips were trembling, but they were slightly parted and I started wondering what it would feel like to kiss them. He was clutching a somewhat crumpled Totoro to his chest and he was wearing the same clothes as yesterday. "Hey," he said quietly.  
My heart was melting at the sight of him. I had been in love with him for so many years and it was just getting harder. He had cried onto my shoulder. He had hugged me for comfort. He had called me beautiful (even if he was joking sometimes). He had flirted with me so much when he'd got a little drunk. But we weren't a thing. Of course not. Why the hell would he love _me_?  
And here he was.  
Being so bloody wonderful.  
Even if he had said such horrible things.  
"Hey," I replied.  
We stared at each other for what felt like many excruciating years.  
Suddenly he burst into fresh tears. "Phil I'm so sorry! I'm a terrible terrible person! You probably hate me now! You should hate me! I'm so horrible!" He looked like he was about to run away, he was shaking violently with tears and he looked scared. Why was he scared of _me_?

Dan's POV

I was just so scared that he _did_ hate me.

Phil's POV

"Of course I don't hate you Dan!"  
"You... you don't?"  
"No!"  
I pulled him into a hug and I could hear him mumbling that I should do and that he had been so horrible and that he was so worried last night that I wasn't going to come back. I shushed him and just whispered in his ear that I could never hate him and that I would never leave. I could feel him smiling into my shoulder.  
After a few minutes he pulled away. "I'm sorry," he said quietly, wiping the tears from his eyes.  
"Me too."

Dan's POV

We spent the rest of the day having a 'Dan and Phil shared pity party apology comfort' kind of day and it was so nice. We made pancakes even though Phil had already eaten half a bowl of cereal, and then we watched some Buffy, and later we went out, got some coffee and wandered around London for a bit, and then we came back, grabbed some popcorn and put on a movie. I was being a little clingy and I was pretty sure Phil had noticed. I couldn't really help it. I just kept remembering how late it had got last night and how my brain had been saying that maybe he wasn't ever coming home (which probably seems stupid but I wasn't thinking straight). Every time the thought came into my head I just had to touch him, to make sure that he really was back and that we really were OK again.  
We went to bed late.  
I couldn't sleep.  
What if he'd left?  
What if he'd just been humouring me today?  
What if he thought I was pathetic for crying and touching him to check he was still there?  
What if he _did_ hate me?  
I tried to block the thoughts out but they wouldn't go away.  
After a few hours of desperately trying to sleep, I realised that I was going to have to go check that he was, indeed, still there.  
I got out of bed, pulled on a pair of pyjama bottoms and a random hoodie, and went and knocked on his door. He made a muffled noise from inside, and I opened the door and went in.  
"Hey Dan? What do you want?" he asked sleepily.  
I lowered my head, embarrassed. "I needed to make sure you hadn't left me," I said quietly, my cheeks turning crimson.  
He chuckled slightly. He knew how my brain worked when we had fought, or if I was having nightmares. He had learnt about it when the lights broke in our old apartment and I had to keep touching his arm to know he hadn't been stolen away by some monster. "Okay," he replied simply, and he patted his bed. I came and sat down and immediately reached out for him. I felt so stupid when I did it. I was like some sort of toddler who hid their face in their mother's chest when the bad guy's part came on in a film. "Look," he said, "Do you want to stay here for tonight?"  
My heart started beating a little faster. I knew straight away it was probably a bad idea. I didn't think I could cope with sharing a bed with a shirtless Phil when I was in love with him. However, there was no way I was going to sleep otherwise. So I said okay, he lifted the covers and I got in.  
Of course we'd shared a bed before. Admittedly the last few times it had become increasingly difficult not to tell him how I felt when I was in such close proximity to him.


	3. Chapter 3

Phil's POV

I actually managed to fall asleep. It was a surprise because I hadn't expected to whilst in the same bed as Dan.  
It had been so adorable when he'd come to find me. It's funny because his audience never see this side of him (and I rarely do) but sometimes after something bad has happened he gets really affectionate for a bit.  
I woke up again in pitch black.  
Whilst we were asleep, Dan and I appeared to have got closer together and I was kind of spooning him, except for the fact that he was facing me, his face hidden in my chest. Our legs were tangled together and my arms were wrapped around him, and I could feel his hands – one resting on my waist and the other on my shoulder. I should have been embarrassed. But Dan wasn't awake and he didn't need to know about this. It was such a good feeling to have him cuddled up to me like this, but I couldn't exactly stay with my arms round him while I was awake and he wasn't. That would just be creepy, and Dan wouldn't want it, surely.  
I pulled back an inch or so, trying to disentangle us. But the second I did, Dan reached out in his sleep and pulled himself closer to me again. I gulped. _Crap_. I'd just try and go back to sleep I decided. I closed my eyes and tried to relax but it was difficult because my heart was beating quickly and my breath was shallow, my skin burning under his fingertips. I made my arms go limp so I wasn't really holding him anymore and removed my leg from between his, hoping it would help.  
"Don't pretend you're asleep, 'kay? It was nice but now you're kind of flopped on me and that's _not_ nice, not like when you were hugging me."  
I froze at the sound of Dan's voice. "You're... you're awake?"  
"I am now. It woke me up when you moved."  
"Oh... sorry."  
"Mmn. It's okay. Just... stay like this."  
"What? Really?" I couldn't quite believe it.  
"Yeah. It's nice. You're very comfortable, Phil."  
"Oh." I felt myself turning red. But it didn't _mean_ anything. It couldn't.  
He pressed himself closer to me.  
"Uh, Dan." I felt brave. I was going to ask him the stupid question that had been burning in my mind since yesterday.  
"Yeah?"  
"This is so stupid, but... I was wondering... _am_ I too good? Is it bad? Do you really think I act awfully, like I'm annoyingly perfect?" I was blushing hard.  
He looked up at me and stared into my eyes. I felt like I could stare into them forever. After a few moments he said "no, you're not too good, and you don't act annoyingly perfect... because, um, I... I think you _are_ perfect."  
We were both slightly mortified at the things we were saying, but when he said that I just felt wonderful.

Dan's POV

"Really?" Phil asked me. I nodded.  
I was being so brave for some reason. I don't know how I managed to ask him to stay cuddling me without turning bright red, let alone snuggle closer to him and tell him he was perfect, but it was worth it because when I said that he lit up.  
I started to wonder if maybe he did like me back. I mean, it's doubtful that he would let me cuddle into him so much if he was straight. And I could feel how quickly his heart was beating. I should go for it, I thought. And if he did turn me down, then my heart would break but at least I wouldn't be suffering this platonic love any longer.  
 _Okay then._  
He was smiling brightly. I reached up and rested my fingers lightly on his jaw. He shivered. I edged myself slightly further up the bed so I was looking straight at him. We were only a few centimetres apart and I could feel his warm breath on my lips. I leant forwards and closed the gap. I kissed him, once, and I pulled back quickly, looking at him to check that he was okay with it. He reached out and pulled me to him again, and then we were kissing properly.  
It was passionate. It was so perfect, and my brain was exploding in ecstasy. He was so gentle, but at the same time strong and it felt so, so wonderful.  
One of his hands slid down my back to rest on my waist, and he brushed my fringe out of my face with the other one, tracing trails of fire down my cheek, jaw and neck before slipping behind my head and entwining his fingers in my hair.

Phil's POV

Oh, God it was incredible.  
After a few moments he ran his tongue over my bottom lip. I gave a tiny gasp at the feeling, and as my mouth opened he slipped his tongue inside it. He was exploring my mouth and it made me moan and it felt so good.  
I took my lips off of his and pressed kisses along his jaw, moving to his neck. He shivered, but didn't hit me like he usually did when I touched his neck. Instead, he tilted his head to the side to give me better access. I sucked and bit at the flesh and he was making loud noises. I did it for a bit until he grabbed me by my hair, pulling me back up and connecting our lips again.  
After a minute we broke apart, breathing heavily. "I've been wanting to do that for so long," he murmured, panting.  
"And I've been wanting you _to_ do that for so long," I replied.  
He stared into my eyes, smiling. He kissed me again, only lasting a second, sweetly. "And I've been wanting someone like you for almost forever." He paused and reached down, grabbing my hand. "So you're mine now, okay?"  
"Definitely."  
We lay together and kissed and whispered to each other for the rest of the night.  
He tasted like autumn and chocolate and lazy days and stars.


End file.
